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Is it right for feelings between men and women to be influenced by ethnic (traditional) ideologies?

[ 2010/2/5 23:44:00 | By: joice] See the original article in Chinese

A few days ago, I heard a friend of mine had found a Han Chinese girlfriend. At that time no one cared very much, but recently, I found there were many resentful remarks about him within our own circles. Many think he is betraying his own culture; hence, this inevitably made me consider whether it is appropriate to apply ethnic ideologies to one’s personal relationships…actually I am also not a rational person, but things eventually should be understood according to realities. Sometimes thinking about feelings has no limit; otherwise, it (ethnic ideology) cannot also be a medium of love.

I understand very well the way those friends think. Their eagerness to protect or preserve ethnic culture is right, but I personally think they have made a big mistake–cultural inheritance is not equal to carrying on a family line. Not to say that you can only prove you are passing on your own culture if you fall in love with Tibetan girls, but rather it is whether or not you have, within the scope of your own capabilities, done something for your own nationality. Not everyone will become a Tibetan studies expert, but that doesn’t mean Tibetan culture will die out. The real dying out begins as a result of one’s own radicalism and lack of progress. I know many people do not understand many things about policies, myself too, but I think a nation’s rise begins with one’s own efforts not by simply waiting for assistance…. I’ve wandered a bit far from the subject, haha. I just want to say everyone should work hard in one’s own field. After all, it is hard to see such epoch-making figures in today’s Tibet; therefore, private feelings are really just private matters; don’t gratuitously add too much ethnic ideology into it.

In reality, sometimes we need people to fall in love with girls from other ethnic groups. This is also a little challenge against tradition…. Actually, Tibetans have hesitated at this traditional threshold for more than 3 to 4 generations. In the end, it is an open society now. After all, taking a birth in the human realm is not easy. It is impossible to weigh everything in accordance with ethnic ideologies. Therefore, in sum, please don’t pressure those who fall in love with Han Chinese girls…. Apart from continuing the family line, they can make many contributions for Tibetans!!!

 

 

Comments:

[2010/2/8 12:58:00 | By: changshouhu]

In the same Tibetan region, there are farming areas, nomadic areas, semi-nomadic areas, so there are still big differences in ideas. There are a lot of negotiations between two ordinary people and this is the way marriage is. For different ethnicities, if both people are strong, then there is bound to be a lot of conflict. If both are marginalized types of people, then it doesn’t matter, conflicts won’t be too great. Of course, if one is strong and the other is weak, then it is the strong one who will eventually lead. Love is not easy to predict. When we were students, one classmate’s family was [the embodiment of] great ethnic unity, there were many; one member (of the family) even married an ethnic minority from the south. At that time, the husband who published books wrote, “I love you, XX.” We were so envious and thought it was so romantic. In the end, after ten years, they divorced. We were more disappointed than they were. Of course, we did not know the reasons. I heard some Tibetan girls, after marrying and moving to inland China, when they grew old, other people dislike you for your skin and so on, being dull. Of course, there may be fortunate people among them, but each person is different.

[ 2010/2/19 11:13:00 | By: Tibetan girl]

One word, is inappropriate. It is not saying that Han Chinese are bad or who is not good enough for whom, but it is the cultural difference. The people below have already said it quite comprehensively, but I would like to say a couple things. Love doesn’t distinguish between ethnicity and national boundaries, it is noble…. it is true. It sounds like that, but the reality of living, after romance passes it eventually becomes reality. Do you think there is any problem if a 20-year-old girl marries a 50-year-old man out of love? What would be the outcome if a Muslim boy falls in love with an American girl? Maybe what I’ve said is a bit extreme, however it is the same when applied to Tibetans and Han Chinese. It is proven by realities; all of the several intermarried families I know all have such problems; all are caused by cultural backgrounds and customs. Tibetan-Han Chinese intermarriage mainly has two circumstances: One kind is marriage between people with no fixed duties in society, and the other kind is marriage straight from college. The former issue is based on Tibetan boys and Chinese girls. The Tibetan boys are not so bad, they are not bad looking, have some money, but have no stable jobs. But the Han Chinese girls are very poor; their appearance is not bad, but they have very bad living habits, drinking in the morning and dancing at night, they can’t go a day without money, can’t speak without saying dirty words, and their history is stained with misdeeds. Is this type of girl good enough for our Tibetan lads?

The second kind has a slightly higher success rate, because they’ve pretty much adapted to each other during college, but problems arise when the time of discussing marriage comes, the Tibetan family says Han Chinese are bad, snobbish, unscrupulous in reaching goals, ruthless, and unreasonable. The Han Chinese family says Tibetans are barbaric, not taking a shower in one month, having a strange smell, hahaha, and so on. Good and wicked words finally pass, but the problem of marriage comes again. The Tibetan family says it should done according to Tibetan tradition in a Tibetan area, it’s primarily an issue of face, but the Han Chinese say the wedding should be held according to Chinese tradition, it’s primarily a financial issue. Because when taking a Chinese wife, the husband has to offer money to her parents, anywhere from several tens of thousands to several hundreds or millions. Note that this is an unspoken rule of all Han Chinese. So there is a Han Chinese saying that giving birth to a girl is having the blessings of a bad custom, because when the daughter grows up they can sell her and receive some money. This is also something I really cannot accept. The one I love is the daughter, not her parents, so why should I give them money? If I do give some money, it should be done under the circumstance of my own willingness, to give to them in the name of filial respect for parents. If conditions allow, the married couple could buy apartments and provide living expenses for both sides of their parents and take care of them, or bring them to live together with them. Anyway, coordination must be done. You can’t ask someone for a sum of money for no reason. This is no different from buying a wife.

Ok then, according to my understanding, since my wife was bought with money, how to use after buying is my freedom……this is not being deliberately provocative. After marrying, problems once again befall this unfortunate family and on the child’s education. There is no question about teaching Chinese, because it is the national language. Then do you still want to teach him Tibetan? The Chinese mother would say, studying Chinese will benefit the child, and later he can run for president. The Tibetan father would get angry and say, why does he only study your thing, but is not allowed to inherit some of my thing? Whether this thing is mine or not, it is right to think carefully. The only option is to accept it, this is the only way, so he complies with her. This is how the father becomes obedient to the mother. Only Chinese is spoken at home, but no Tibetan. Thus, the little thing (the child) not only is unable to inherit Tibetan things, but the father also becomes assimilated after a few years. When this little thing runs for president after a number of years, more than one power he will have is that he can be any ethnic group he likes, he can be Tibetan today and Han Chinese tomorrow. He can wander between two ethnic groups, hahahahahha, the child who lost his way is funny.

[2010/2/18 15:01:00 | By: horn]

Objectively speaking, to accept a person with different cultural background and living environment really needs great courage and patience. But I think our nationality will not be narrow-minded and silly to try to interfere in the lives of other individuals. Inheriting culture is of course important to a nationality. From the viewpoint of individuals, to choose one’s own way of life should be fully respected.

[2010/2/18 12:36:00 | By: Visitor]

I am in an ethnically diverse place, so I have experienced and observed some friends’ weddings. Phuntsok, Dorje and I married around the same time. Phuntsok’s woman is a Han Chinese woman who runs a coffee shop. She is a finicky, charming woman and has one daughter. Dorje is a person who travels extensively and married a Hong Kong girl. The girl appears very self-controlled. Because she likes Tibetan culture she named herself Lhamo. From the beginning, in order to be together the couple wanted stay here to do business; they also have a son. Phuntsok got divorced when his daughter was two years old, the reasons being ways of thinking, from family, as well as from individual personalities. Dorje and Lhamo also experienced many conflicts. I was even called many times to reconcile. The biggest one was caused because Dorje’s mother lived with them. Dorje left home many days. This is also the first time he wept in front me. Later, in desperation, Dorje left behind his mother and everything here and went to Hong Kong. He told me that everything was done for the child who was his own flesh and blood, and was always innocent. In comparison, so far, I am probably the most fortunate. Although my wife is an ordinary woman, in my heart I depend on her more and more! I agree with what the person above said, ideas and concepts that have already formed can’t be changed, so the most romantic love would in the end experience the most ordinary life.

[ 2010/2/15 20:29:00 | By: Liangzi]

Different customs after all produce too many conflicts, so better not to look for it. But boys can look for Chinese girls, girls should never marry Chinese boys.

[2010/2/14 20:59:00 | By: yy]

Hum, before, Hitler’s national socialist movement was done the same way.

[ 2010/2/14 12:22:00 | By: 。。。。。。]

Nonsense, actually Han and Tibetans have the closest blood ties in China. Ethnic groups belonging to Tibetan-Chinese language family include the Naxi, Jingpo, Gyarong, and so on. They all originated from the ancient Qiang ethnic group in Qinghai.

[ 2010/2/13 15:46:00 | By: Kham-pa Mastiff]

Music has no national boundary, neither does love. The further the blood tie is, the better it is for the future generations. As long you fall in love, it is good to be together suitable for each other.

[2010/2/12 8:33:00 By: Guest]

Actually, this issue hasn’t been a big deal from the beginning. Intermarriage! Falling in love with each other is fine, but it is not necessary to insist on what ethnic group the other party is. Ethnic cultural exchange is a process of mutual influence, to see how you influence the other, whether or not you have this ability. Transmission of ethnic culture is not about marrying from which ethnic group, but is about adhering to the root of one’s own ethnic culture through one’s own way.

[2010/2/12 5:23:00 By: Stream Water]

I know there is a Xinjiang Mongolian who plays the horse-head mandolin. resulting the end, the sound of his mandolin didn’t move the Mongolian girl; instead, it moved a tourist from Beijing. Afterward, the situation became very complicated, because he could not stay in Beijing, and she also feels terrified about Xinjiang. Afterwards it seems like both of them decided to go to a Mongolian yurt to grow together. I don’t know if the two of them subsequently became tormented or not.

[ 2010/2/11 14:20:00 | By: NNN]

Tibetans have already been assimilated seriously enough. Do you still want to continue speeding up the assimilation?

(8)  Korean people I am familiar with.

[2010/2/9 11:20:00 | By: Old lamp]

I really like the Korean ethnic group. Although I have never been to North or South Korea, Northeast China has a lot of Koreans and I have many Korean friends.

When I first got a job my immediate boss was a big Korean brother. He once told me, I will introduce a Korean girl for your wife. I guarantee that she will be very nice to you—she will cook for you without any complaint and even wash your feet.

Influenced by this big brother, I later developed a taste for Korean girls. But because of strange circumstances, they didn’t become a Korean wife. Finally I ended up marrying a wicked Han Chinese girl who restricts me from using the Internet all day long.

I like Koreans; first, I like their cleanliness. In our rural Jilin Province, there are many villages where Koreans live. Regardless of whether life is prosperous or not, every household is clean and tidy; letting those who see them think they live like human beings.  In contrast, the majority of the Han Chinese peasant households live very dirtily, as if having today there is no tomorrow.

The second reason for liking Koreans is that they actively make progress and work hard. My native homeland has been a dry crop area without having the custom of growing paddies. Although growing corn and sorghum saves some trouble, but economic efficiency is poor, and nutrition consumed is less. All the Korean peasants grow paddies, and they have their own paddy fields in their villages. Han Chinese peasants don’t like and also can’t do such intensive cultivation of the paddy fields.

The third reason is Koreans maintained a strong Confucian tradition in East Asia, different from Han Chinese who lost all the things of their ancestors. When they speak to elders they must say, “Respect to body” and women must do their best to serve the men.

The fourth reason is Koreans’ ethnic consciousness. China’s ethnic minorities are basically assimilated into Chinese culture. The other minorities in Northeast China such as the Manchu have completely lost their ethnic characteristics, but Koreans are different. Although they live in Han Chinese areas, they have still tenaciously preserved their ethnic characteristics, and protected adhered to ethnic culture. They reject intermarriage with Han Chinese (This is the reason I couldn’t marry a Korean girl), and insist on speaking Korean at home and between Koreans.

[ 2010/2/9 10:55:00 | By: FDG

I think you shouldn’t take a Han Chinese wife. You would suffer. My wife is Han Chinese, many customs,  concepts, eating habits and so on will cause conflicts.

[ 2010/2/8 20:15:00 | By: wanma]

The destination of love is marriage, which not only proves love but also that one important task of continuing the family line. A person’s mind is hard to change for the sake of someone else. It is already solidified in one’s own living environment, so your culture is always inside your bones. Her mind also won’t change because of you, just like your mind cannot be influenced by her. So who will influence the minds of the next generation? This is something we need to consider. Continuation of family line cannot be as easy as having babies? What is most important is transmitting culture and ideas.

[ 2010/2/8 18:26:00 | By: POMU]

Feelings are hard to predict. When you are young you can accept it all, but when you get old, it will become very realistic. There are many friends like that around me, a united group. After their parents retired, basically they all lived separately. Because the older you get, the more eager you are to spend your last years in your hometown, so you can’t get along well. Everyone says old partner, old partner! When you get old, the old partner is not by your side. That makes it very lonely. Sons and daughters can’t help. Therefore, advise your friends that this is worth considering.

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